Christian Imposter Syndrome

When Feeling Inadequate & Unqualified

Photo by Rene Terp

For so long, I believed I had to be as knowledgeable as the Christian authors whose books I’d read or as well-versed in the Bible as the pastors whose sermons I’d listened to. I thought that if I wanted to write a book or start a YouTube channel about my personal experiences with God and prayer and church and faith, I had to know all the right Bible passages to quote on a whim, all the character stories in the Bible whose lives fit that of my own experiences. I thought I had to know the answers to all the most challenging questions that unbelievers typically ask (“If God created the universe, then who created God?” and “How do you explain dinosaurs?”). I felt like I had to instantly believe all the same things that other Christians believe without questions, doubts, differing opinions, or interpretations.

But that’s not true.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

Because my personal experiences are just that—mine, and I learn and grow in God’s Word at my own pace, through my own tailored journey with God and no one else. Just as you do. As far as believing what other Christians believe, well, not all Christians are true believers; not all of them preach biblical truths; not all of them know God; therefore, it’s a good thing I didn’t dive in head first into the beliefs and teachings of many of the pastors or churches whose messages I came across in the past. It’s a good thing I’ve always been a skeptic, and I rarely, if ever, took people at their word, especially on important matters like faith and the existence of God. It’s a good thing I’ve almost always been an independent thinker, not often swayed by the opinions and beliefs of others without doing my research. It’s a good thing—sometimes—that I’ve always been opinionated, ready, and willing to call out deception and error, and yes, especially when I’m the one in error. When I’m wrong, I’ll be the first to point it out—guilt and I are not good friends.

So often, I’ve felt intimidated, in over my head, pressured, or too opinionated to be a real Christian woman. Unfortunately, I’ve not lived a traditional Christian life; I wasn’t given the opportunity to marry a godly man at a young age and be a traditional Christian wife. Instead, I took the hard route, the one paved in mostly self-induced hardship, darkness, trial, error, and pain, and I’ve learned that God let me go through the many trials I’ve faced so that I could later—well, now—help other women by reaching out to them, using my experiences. He gave me this straightforward personality, analytical eye, passion for justice, and creative mind for a reason—because He wants me to use it.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

For many, it’s unconventional for a Christian woman to be outspoken or to have an opinion separate from her husband; it’s not godly or feminine for a Christian woman to do anything outside of caring for her children and her household.

But, you see, this is also untrue.

Annnd…as much as I want to dive into that topic today, there’s far too much to say on the issue, and it warrants its own article. So, be on the lookout for next week’s article. I’ll be talking about toxic feminism and women's roles in the eyes of God, society, and as wives and homemakers.

But, back to this article.

I was not at all prepared to speak to anyone about the Bible because I didn’t know enough about it myself, and I never wanted to feel like I was preaching to anybody else when I was the one who needed preaching to. But my plans, which were to wait until I knew what I was doing, per se, were not God’s plans. He wanted me to start right away, and when I thought that was crazy because: “How could I talk about something I knew little about? How could I talk about the Bible when I didn’t understand it?” God opened my mind.

1 Corinthians 1:27
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

How do I adequately describe this wonder?

I never liked reading the Bible because I thought it was boring and monotonous. It had all the family lineages, names—most of which I couldn’t even pronounce—instructions for building things with detailed dimensions, etc., the battles fought, the precise number of people who died, the exact number and type of sacrificial offerings, etc. I did not want to read this kind of stuff—it literally gave me anxiety. I got visibly angry trying to read and understand the Bible. I’ve rolled my eyes, gritted my teeth, and even asked God flat-out once or twice something along the lines of: “If You want people to read this, why make it so…unreadable?”

I remember reading a few things that made me say out loud: “This is ridiculous.” And I recall a few times reading things that I refused to agree with, like the issue of wives submitting to their husbands—back when I was a feminist—and I’d set the Bible down and not look at it again for months. I came so close to proclaiming myself a Progressive Christian around that time, but thankfully, God had other plans for me and wouldn’t let me go down that dead-end route—yet another article for another day.

But back to my long list of inadequacies.

Despite knowing so much more now than I did, not even a full year ago, today I still can’t:

• name all the books in the Bible, or remember which Testament most are a part of

• remember a single verse with its book and chapters. I know verses, but I’m not good at remembering which book they come from, much less the numbers. Even the most famous verses from Psalms, Proverbs, and the New Testament, I don’t know off the top of my head.

But here’s the thing, the extraordinary part I’m having a hard time describing. When I gave my life over to Jesus Christ in 2023, when I gave up my secular writing career and decided to devote my life and time to God, He gave me this uncanny ability to read and understand the Bible. I began remembering things I’d read, like names and stories, and where to look for things. He made reading the Bible from beginning to end, without skipping over the “boring parts,” a joyful experience, where I could not only understand what I was reading, but He opened my mind to the Truth. The best analogy I can use to describe the experience is like opening a book written in Spanish and understanding it almost word for word despite knowing only a few Spanish words.

God made me see that all this time, when I couldn’t read or understand the Bible before, it was the Enemy blocking me, manipulating me into thinking it was ridiculous and unreadable, making me roll my eyes and get angry, making me set the Bible down and refuse to look at it for months and years at a time—because he didn’t want me to read it. Like he doesn’t want you to read it. I realized then, too, that it was so odd how angry I got when trying to read the Bible.

Why would something like that make me so furious? Why would I grit my teeth, snarl, and tell God, in so many words, that His book was absurd? Because the Enemy provoked the words I said and the feelings that I felt. There’s no other logical reason why I would feel and act that way, in private, over reading a book, no matter what book it was, even the Bible.

For the longest time, I felt like an inadequate Christian. I wanted to help other women and tell them about my experiences and how God helped me. I wanted to use my trials, traumas, and hardships to guide others through theirs, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that because I thought I’d never understand the Bible enough to minister to or encourage anyone else.

But God changed all that for me. In such a short time, He gave me knowledge and understanding. He gave me the passion, inspiration, and drive to want to apply myself to learn more every day. He blew away the brain fog hindering my ability to learn and remember what I’d learned, and He also gave me the words to say. More than half the time, when I’m writing an article, or even when I’m just speaking freely in my YouTube videos, I feel like the words coming out of my mouth and fingertips are not my own, and when I’m typing, the words come out so fast that my hands can’t keep up.

And I prayed to God for that. I prayed that He would give me words, tell me what He wanted me to say, and help me to say the right things. Am I claiming that God speaks through me? Yes—He speaks through all of us who let Him, who ask Him to use us. And He even speaks through some of us who don’t invite Him.

Of course, I have and will get things wrong sometimes, but that’s all part of the learning process. The learning never stops.

The point is that I no longer feel inadequate, and I don’t want you to feel that way, either. If you have a desire in your heart to learn the Bible and spread the Gospel to others, do it. Don’t let anything keep you from it, even if you’ve never read the Bible from beginning to end your whole life—if God is calling you to minister, do it. Pray that He will give you knowledge, wisdom, discernment, and the resources you need to do His will. Pray that He will use you to speak to others and guide your mind, heart, and hands. He will direct you to trustworthy resources that will continue to help you learn: God-fearing pastors, bishops, and priests who teach biblical truths; books, and online resources that are accurate and not misleading. Because I believe He will help you. If it’s His will, if that’s what He wants you to do, He will show you the way and give you everything you need to fulfill that purpose.

If it’s on your heart to spread the Gospel, never feel like an inadequate Christian, but feel the calling. Reject the Enemy’s lies, telling you you can’t or shouldn’t do it. Do it anyway, and do it with your whole heart. Always double and triple-check your information—this will also help you learn—and if you ever feel iffy about something, then take a step back, listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you, and find the source of the problem. You’ll make mistakes, but that’s OK; it’s part of the learning process. And there will be times when the Enemy gets to you, confuses, and misleads you. But when you do make a mistake, own up to it and set the record straight as soon as possible so you don’t mislead others. If someone else points out your mistake, accept it graciously and kindly, even if they’re not gracious or kind towards you in pointing it out.

As a side note, if you want to know when a Christian should feel inadequate, read my article “Christian Life or Lifestyle?”.

May God bless you, your family, and your life.

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The text in this article is copyright © 2023 Jessica Tacu.

Bible verse credits:

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.comThe “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™